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Chapter 1
The evil fortune-teller’s voice rang out, slicing me like a knife, cutting deep into my soul. "GIVE HER TO ME. . .IF SHE IS ON MY SIDE, AND WORKS WITH ME, WE CAN HAVE STRONGER POWER AND WORK MUCH EVIL AGAINST PEOPLE, WORKING CURSES.” He was looking at me with his dark, beady little eyes. It felt as if they were piercing right through me. I pulled back and held on to my mother’s hand tightly. I cried out, “No!” with a loud voice. My mother just stood there, saying nothing in my defense. The silence was loud. Why wasn’t my mother protecting me? Why did he only want me? Why didn’t he want any of my other brothers or sisters? As he stared at me, I shivered with fear. I told myself, I don’t want to be given to this scary, evil man. I was afraid of him, and he knew it. He pointed his finger at me and said to my mother, “She is afraid of me,” letting my mother know that he knew this, too. I didn’t trust him. He looked evil, and I knew that he was up to no good. . .always talking about death. He was the most evil and wicked man I had ever met in my life.
Looking back through the generations of my family’s history (as far back as I can remember), there has always been abuse, rejection, evil, hatred, division, and constant fighting, to say the least. It was much easier to hate and fight each other than it was to love one another; love was the hardest thing to do in our family.
Hatred and division was the norm. Affection was not natural. Sadly, no one in the family wanted to break this vicious cycle of warring, hatred, and division. Each family member took pleasure in the division, strife, and constant fighting among themselves. Everyone hated everyone else. It was as if each generation was cursed. That’s just the way it was, and no one knew why. My grandmother and aunt were just as wicked, mean, and hateful as my own mother was; my great-grandmother was also very mean and hateful throughout the years.
This curse of hate, abuse, evil, and rage that plagued my family from one generation to the next raced through the family tree like a raging fire. My mother was the primary person who fueled the fire of hatred, abuse, and division in the family. . .burning anger in our souls, crippling love, destroying harmony, killing peace and happiness, leaving all in my family wounded and hurting. It seemed there was no way anyone could stop this raging fire that was out of control.
The division was also brought on by the fact that there were three different fathers in our family, which consisted of ten children—six girls and four boys. I was the middle child. The first four older brothers and sisters were fathered by the only man to marry my mother. Apparently he had never lived in the house because he and my mother had been separated for years. The father of my younger brothers and sisters didn’t live with us, either, until he moved into the house in the early 1960s. I only saw my own father once for a brief moment when I was around eleven years old. The only things my mother told me about him were his name, and that she was twenty-five and he was nineteen when she got pregnant by him. I was the only one in the family who had a different father than any of my brothers and sisters, which brought more fighting between the other family members and me.
Even though this cycle of abuse, hatred, and division continued throughout my family, all I wanted to do was love them. But I needed their love in return so that we all would be loving toward each other. I never wished evil on anyone. I wanted the best for everyone in my family. I was hoping they would see that love was a better choice. I wanted peace, love, joy, and unity in the family to bring us a better life, instead of my family choosing strife, division, and being hateful toward one another. I was also hoping that love would break through, that it would spread and smother the raging fire of hatred that has killed (both physically and spiritually) so many in my family. I longed for a love that would flow down through the ages and change things for future generations. No matter what, I wasn’t going to give up loving my family, and I never have even to this day.
It was my mother who continued to promote the cycle of abuse, hatred, and division, even after I was born. In 1950 I was born in a doctor’s office, even though all my brothers and sisters were born at home. After I was born, my mother took me home in a taxicab the same day. She never took me into the hospital that day (or any day) for a “well baby checkup” or follow up on my health. Basically she had me at the doctor’s office, then we went home. It made no sense, because back in those days hospital visits were free for a mother and her baby.
When I was a little girl, my mother told me I was born with a veil over my face. She said the doctor who delivered me told her I was a “special child,” that babies who are born with a veil over their face are able to see things in visions and dreams. She said that the veil was like a white, thin skin that seemed similar to the thin, white skin inside an eggshell. I didn’t know what she meant. Questions started flooding my mind: What would be the purpose of the visions and dreams? What would the dreams and visions reveal to me? I didn’t understand. Would they show me how to protect my family and myself from the constant fighting and division that went on each day? Would the visions and dreams show me that I would be the one who would break the cycle of this curse that was destroying my family? Would they change my family into a family filled with unity? I wondered if the visions and dreams would have a purpose in my life. If so, what would that purpose be? From that day forward, my mother said that I was different, and she called me her “strange child.” She called me that name because out of all her children, I was the only one who was born with a veil over my face.
As I grew up, my grandmother would tell me stories of how my mother did things to hurt me when I was a toddler. She said that my mother would abuse me by feeding me with hot food to burn my mouth, and then she would turn her backside into my face to reject me. Like I said earlier, my grandmother was just as evil as my mother, so she didn’t care that my mother was abusing me. It was the norm in my family. Not only did my mother hurt me by the things she did to me, but she also hurt me by the things she didn’t do. For instance, she never took me to the dentist. I never got my teeth cleaned, went for a dental checkup, or get a cavity filled. Not only did my mother fail to take me to the dentist, she never took me to the doctor, either. I never was taken to the hospital for an exam, even when I was in need of medical attention. My mother never took a single picture of me when I was growing up, so I don’t have any pictures of myself as a child. No matter what she did, her intentions were to hurt me, and because of her lack of love and the rejection she showed me, I suffered many sicknesses, which had attacked my body throughout my life.
Medical attention was one thing my family never received. Eventually the day came when I severely needed it, and I almost died. One summer afternoon when I was around three years old, my older brother and I were playing in a house that had been burned. Even though the house was condemned and unsafe to go into, we went in anyway. As we were playing in the house, something went wrong. The house collapsed on me, and I was buried beneath wood, bricks, and other debris. My brother, who escaped unharmed, ran across the street to Joe’s Market and told the store owner what had happened. Mr. Joe and my brother ran over to the collapsed house and dug me out of the debris. The ambulance arrived and took me to the hospital.
I made the news, and I was on the front page of the local newspaper. My body was damaged all over: Both of my legs were temporarily paralyzed, I had a deep crater ripped out of both my thighs, and the flesh on my legs was ripped away. Before the doctors could complete the medical care I fully needed, my mother came to the hospital and took me home.
At the time the house fell on me, my mother was gone on one of her drinking binges. She was a severe alcoholic. No one knew where she was, as usual. Eventually someone found her in a tavern and told her what had happened to me. When she came to the hospital to get me, the doctors repeatedly warned her not to take me out of the hospital. They pleaded with her to leave me in their care. They were afraid that if I didn’t get the medical attention I needed, I would either get pneumonia or die from my injuries. But my mother immediately took me out of the hospital even though it was against the doctors’ orders. I don’t know how long I was in the hospital, but it didn’t matter. She wanted me out. Because of her decision, I have suffered excruciating pain all over my body, even to this day. The worst of the pain has been in both of my legs, and in my back the pain has never completely gone away. Some days are better than others.
The reason my mother gave for taking me out of the hospital so soon had to do with a “vision.” In her vision she saw me at a cemetery with a black cloth covering my whole body, which to her represented death (at least that is what she said). Since I was in the hospital suffering from a nearly fatal injury, she believed that by taking me out of the hospital she was saving my life from the doctor, and from the medical care they were giving me. My mother never liked hospitals. She has no confidence in any medical profession. She thinks all doctors are bad and doesn’t trust any of them. Even so, who in their right mind would take a child out of a hospital, especially a child that is severely injured and in need of urgent medical care? I believe she took me out of the hospital because she didn’t want me to live. She never wanted me (or anyone in the family) to have proper medical care. I believe that there were other reasons why she wanted me out of the hospital, too: She didn’t want me to have three hot meals a day, nor did she want me to be in a clean environment. She didn’t like the fact that I was being taken care of or that I would be eating good food, to say the least.
My mother had a deep hatred for me, and she did many things to hurt me throughout my life. Out of all the children in the family, I was never accepted. She rejected me and showed me no love throughout my life. My mother knew God’s hand was upon me, but even so she sought out to destroy my life any way she could. All my life she treated me differently from my brothers and sisters, as if I were an outsider, as if I were invisible. I never felt welcome or safe in any of the places I lived in with my family. She was never affectionate, never hugged or touched me in a loving manner throughout my life.
The only thing she was interested in was drinking and getting drunk. When she wanted to drink, my mother would leave the apartment and be gone for days or weeks at a time. Eventually she would come home. . .drunk. She would stay for a while and then she would be off again to who knows where. She was more of a transient than a mother. I didn’t miss her when she was gone, but when she was home I wanted her to stay. I would wish that my mother would go to sleep. . .sleep so she could be home more so I could see her, and that she would stay home for a long time. I hoped that if she stayed home more, she might change her life, stop drinking, and be a mother to us, but she never changed.
Ministers fill a spiritual void for people in need
SPREADING THE WORD. Ford Spink and Cotia Saunders at their Tacoma home.
Healing for the hurting
Tacoma Weekly
Cotia Saunders and Ford Spink offer hope and light to those living in darkness. Saunders grew up in Kansas City. She has been in the ministry since 1976 and is ordained through the International Deliverance Church. Spink is originally from San Jose and moved to Tacoma in 1993. He has a background as a hospital chaplain. He has worked at St. Joseph Medical Center in Tacoma and Good Samaritan Hospital in Puyallup. Saunders moved to Bremerton because one of her sisters lived there with her husband who was in the U.S. Navy. She began spending time in Tacoma and eventually moved here. Saunders and her daughter used to operate Bread Basket, which distributed food and clothing through a small space donated by the city of University Place. They had to close it down when work got underway on the major town center project there. She and Spink met while attending the same church in Tacoma. They realized they had similar interests and wanted to spread the gospel together. They formed Unexpected Blessings Ministry, which they operate out of their house in the South End. They have ministered to people they encounter in places such as the Ruston Way waterfront and local shopping malls. In May 2008 they released the first printing of the book “Mama Please Love Me (Just Give Me A Hug).” Written by Saunders and Spink, it is about the horrible conditions Saunders grew up in. Her mother had 10 children by three different fathers. Her mother was an alcoholic on welfare who neglected and severely abused her children. They grew up with little food, poor hygiene and no medical care, living in squalor among rats and cockroaches. Worst of all, Saunders and her siblings grew up without love or affection of any kind. “There was no love in my family, just division and strife,” she said. “Sharing my life story was difficult.” That dysfunctional upbringing inspired her to reach out to others who need love, someone to let them know they are important. Much of their outreach now is done through their website, http://www.mamapleaseloveme.blogspot.com/. People around the country send them e-mails asking for guidance. Some are people trapped in abusive marriages. Others have strained relationships with their parents. “A lot of people are hurting silently,” Saunders remarked. They send e-mails to people on a regular basis, to let them know someone in Tacoma is thinking of them. “I love talking to people to find out where they are in life,” Spink said. “As a chaplain, I am trained to listen to pain and grief.” When ministering in public places, if someone he approaches informs him they are not interested in his message, he moves on. “I am not out to beat you over the head with the Bible. I do not shove anything down anyone’s throat. Some people are just not ready to hear our message. We just want to let people know they are somebody, that we will be there so they will not feel alone.” They are working on boosting the availability of the book, from getting it into bookstores and on websites like http://www.amazon.com/. “People are hurting, whether they are religious or not. This is not just for Christians,” Saunders observed. They have had discussions with people at Trinity Broadcasting Network about making a movie based on the book. Spink feels Saunders’ difficult childhood and how she emerged from it a strong, spiritual woman fits a trend he sees of films based on the lives of actual people. “That seems to be a direction movies are going in,” he observed. Saunders and Spink can be reached by sending an e-mail to mamapleaseloveme@yahoo.com.
Published on November 18, 2009
www.challengenews.org
_________________www.challengenews.org_______________
10__ Challenge • US Issue 30 • 2014
Family hatred broken
‘I desperately needed a love I could not find at home’
that plagued each generation
of her family left Cotia
Saunders defenseless against
depression, racism, rape and
mistreatment before she found a way
to break the destructive cycle.
“There has always been abuse,
rejection, evil, hatred, division, and
constant fighting in the generations
of my family,” Cotia says sadly.
Affection did not come naturally
and she says it was easier to hate and
fight than love one another. She was
further ostracized because none of
siblings still at home had the same
father as her.
Even Cotia’s mother treated her as
an outsider, replicating the behavior
of her grandmother and great
grandmother.
“My mother was never affectionate,
never touched me in a loving
manner; the only thing she was interested
in was getting drunk so she
would be gone for days or weeks.”
Depression overwhelmed Cotia
due to her mother’s neglect and
she often went without food, clean
clothes to wear or the medical and
dental treatment she needed.
At age 11, she was brutally raped
by her sister’s husband.
Even at school Cotia did not feel
safe or cared for, experiencing segregation
and racism because of her
dark color.
In a desperate search for love she
started attending Christian tent
‘revival’ meetings in her early teens
and one time the speaker quoted
scripture from John chapter 3 verse
16, which says, “For God so loved the
world that He gave His One and only
Son, that whoever believes in Him
will not perish but have everlasting
life”. At the end of the service the
speaker asked if anyone wanted to
accept God’s love through surrendering
their lives to Jesus Christ.
“I wanted this kind of love from God,
I wanted to be his child,” Cotia recalls thinking.
“ I went straight up to the front where the
speaker was and I prayed and asked
Jesus to come into my life to be my
personal Lord and Savior.”
Through the work of the Spirit of
God, Cotia says her fears turned into
peace and she began to feel inner
calmness, an ability to forgive and
endure harm inflicted by others and
a kindness that gave her a tender
concern for others.
“Most importantly, I received a
love that heals my heart, a love that
takes away the pain, the anger and
the depression, and a love that could
overcome the pain that was crippling
my life,” she says.
“I knew I did not receive these
gifts from having money, prosperity,
success, material things, or being a
good person, I also knew the things
of this world weren’t going to give me
a better life, peace, joy, happiness, or
comfort.”
Instead, Cotia says she felt her
heart change by simply asking God to
forgive her for her own wrongdoing
and telling Jesus that she trusted and
would follow Him with her whole life.
Despite the change she felt from
within, her family situation grew
worse because the love of Jesus
became very evident in her life.
She began telling her siblings
about Jesus dying for their sins and
their need to give their lives to Christ
but her mother hated this and separated
her from them.
“I had to solely depend on God’s
love for me and His strength to help
me,” she says.
“My mother still doesn’t want a
relationship with me, although I
have forgiven her and I long to show
her love, which is much better than
the hate, strife and division that
cursed us.”
Although Cotia is still seeking reconciliation
with her mother, she has
written a book called “Mama Please
Love Me (just give me a hug)” and
has a blogspot by the same name
to encourage others who have been
through similar experiences.
Now married to a minister, Cotia
and her husband Ford have a heart
for online ministry and street ministry
in America where they live, as
well as overseas.
“My life of abuse was not in vain
for God had a plan for my life,” Cotia
concludes confi dently.
“What the enemy [of God, the Devil]
meant for evil against me, God
is using for His glory, my own good
and for the call of God in ministry to
others.” ■
“My life
of abuse
was not
in vain
for God
had a
plan for
my life”
Cotia
Saunders
now has “a
love that
heals... [and]
takes away
the pain”
Book Reviews
Hello Cotia,
I saw your book at Dietman's in Tacoma when I was looking for a book specifically about someone who had a testimony to share about an abusive childhood like myself. I have been praying to find a way to no longer be silent about the ritual abuse and medical neglect I suffered and the ongoing issues I have had with my mother and family of origin.
I have yet to come across a Christian book so honest and open and it totally surprised me and made me feel it was ok not to sugar coat abuse which is what I have been trying to do since I was saved. Somehow I have felt like I have had to make what wasn't ok seem more ok than it was but your book gives me permission to just say things as they were and are and be real about it and that doing so is not somehow being less Christian. I know God has a plan for me too and that he puts people and things in my life to help bring that plan to fruition and I believe your book was real reason I was at the bookstore today. Thank God and bless you and Ford for sensitivity and courage the Lord has given you to make a difference in the lives of those who really, really need it. If you ever do workshops or meet people in person I would love to know as I would love a chance to speak to you personally. May the Lord bless you and keep you and Praise God for using you in a powerful way to further the good news. Blessings and deep heart-felt respect to you
F O
WW
Hi Sister Cotia, how are you today? We met at a couple's house...I gave her your book, and this opened up a lot from her. Her name is C and I also gave her another one of your books to give to a relative of hers named R who wanted a copy of it. Will you pray for these precious women? C was so interested in reading it. I just feel deep in my spirit that this will have a very profound effect on her. She does not have a computer and she is about 26 years old. I have given out the books to many people and now R (who's wife tragically died and who has also read your book) is pointing out people that would really benefit from your book. Praise the Lord. I love you both dearly.
Sister P
Hello, Cotia! Sorry for the slow response. I have read your book. Couldn't put it down.
Manager TBN Federal Way, WA
Hi Sister Cotia,Thank you and God bless you for writing...I do know that sometimes when I feel kinda low, I read your book and then it cheers me up because of what you went through and God really took care of you. I have read your book twice and I still go back to it when I feel down. God bless you.
P
Thank you for praying for S. I have not talked to her, but others have said that she has a brain tumor…she is very ill. By His stripes, we are healed. I do know that she loved your book and that she had planned to write to you.
S.C
Cotia, what a blessing to hear from you, I talked with one of the women tonite that read the book and she read it to her husband, too. She is so thankful for your prayers. God is working in such a powerful way. I could see some good positive things happening with both of them. Praise God!!!Thank you again and God bless you.Your sister in Christ,
W
Your book is awesome..my g/f Becky is almost done reading it and i hv 4 ppl waiting in line to read it. Honey you are a trooper-thats for sure. It sure is an awesome testimony.
I love you and May God Bless.
BIG HUGS!!!!! Love ya-
R
Dear Cotia, I finished reading your book “Mama Please Love Me” around 11:00 PM Sat. It is now 1: 45 AM Sunday morning. Wow. Where do I start? I am honored you sent this book to me and I want to read it again. We serve a most gracious and awesome God. He had and still has plans for you. I have to be honest with you. Your book was so dark and deep to think anyone could live the way you did and go through the horrible things you went through. I had to put it aside and get myself back to normal. I was truly affected by it and kept thinking about your life and what so many others are going through like you. Jesus was working on me this past week to pick it up and finish reading it, he knew I needed to finish it to bring myself back to normal. I am ok now. Your book definitely needs to be published, and I am praying for God to supply everything you need and open doors for you. I would like to order more books for my family and friends, God bless you. Thanks for everything
D
Dear Minister Ford
Thank you for sending me the book called “Mama Please Love Me” the story I read deeply ministered to my soul it’s straight forward. I am thankful to God for what he did in the life of Sister Cotia and for what you both are doing together for Christ. I shared the story with my cell mate…I brought to his attention how many things Sister Cotia went through in her life, even though her life was difficult God was with her and leading her life. And now she in return is helping others along with you Ford, reaching out to others who are going through what she did. She did not sit back and blame others or wallow through her life in self-pity she pushed past her pain of abuse. The book is Awesome! I pray that God saves a lot of people and brings inner healing into the lives of millions around the world. My spirit is moved by the goodness of God and what he has done in her life.
God bless you and Sister Cotia
Prison Inmate Az
Hi Sister Cotia,How are you today?R and G love your book. They had so much good to say about it. R is the one that could really relate to the book. Please pray for him. He is the one whose wife died about 6-7 weeks ago. She was drunk, beat up and then run over by 2 different vehicles. God is good and He is working. Praise the Lord!!! I will need to order some more books soon. I gave my last one away on Sunday. I am so thankful for both of you. I love you both dearly.
S P
Hello Beloved Sister,
I did get the book sis and I have started to read it but of course I am not finished. What I have read really tugs at your heart strings. The presentation of the book is great. I remember you telling me about the things I have read so far. Sis you really have gone through something but you are still standing and that is the blessing in all of this. I will read a little each day until I am done...When I am done with the book I will let someone else read it and that will get conversation about it started.
L
Hi Sister Cotia…G said that she finished your book and liked it. She gave it to a neighbor named J…G stated that we need to pray for J and that maybe she will come to our church…If it looks like there are a lot of books going out in this area, it is probably that we have such a great need in the Dakota's…God is working mightily…Last night we drove around the little town and prayed for a lot of the people that are struggling. Please keep this in prayer…God bless you very much.
PW
Thank you for your story. I was really blessed by reading it. We will keep our eyes and ears open to the possibility of using your testimony in the future. Hope you are all well and looking forward to a great 2009.God bless,
Minister B
Praise the Lord! Thank you for message on this books, I visited blog at Mama PLEASE love me and whant to thank you for sharing this testimony of the power of God in your life. Amen! Praying much success and open ministry in your sharing with other souls. Amen!God's blessings,
M
Ms. Cotia and ford. I finally had time to sit down and read your book, it was a touching and helpful story. I only wish you continue praying for those of us that are in spiritual need and know that we all feel alone sometimes but its those that see through those dark clouds that will overcome. Keep in touch. Your friend eternally.
D
Hello Ford and Cotia
You are a precious Jewel a great blessing to us from God...Isn't it lovely how God works in such mysterious ways...bringing people together who may never have met each other otherwise. "God is good!" The information in your book will touch and heal so many lives in uncountable ways - I'm humbled to be a small part of that ministry...I may have mentioned in earlier emails to you that the book is so well written. Take care and God bless!!! Hugs.
N
B
2/17/11
Book Inquiries
When do you think the book will be ready to buy in the stores? I am anxious to read this. I was abused by both my mom and dad as a child and the mental abuse has continued through my adulthood. Now, mom has disinherited me for no reason and has given everything to my brother. My brother was on drugs, has been drinking driving an 18 wheeler, and basically is a looser. Mom recently broke her hip and never notified me. She finally told my brother to call me. When I flew to Missouri within a few days after the call, she treated me so terrible etc.
K
Dear Minister Ford
I am sure that God will use this greatly for his glory.... and I would like to purchase the book when it is available. I believe that God will use this to touch multitudes of people that are hurting, and I haven't even read it yet.I have worked quiet a bit on Help.com, and there are multitudes on there that have been abused by parents, most there fight against there even being a God, much less one that will intervene and interact with his human family.
G
Hi Sister Cotia,Thank you for being so good and kind to me. I am grateful to God for you.God bless you. I was able to see in your book many of the same things that I went through and God has been there with us all the way. Praise God!! He is so good!!! Only by God's grace have we survived!!! I would like to purchase 5 copies of your book. Could you send me your address again? I worked as a social worker and victim advocate previously. I have a heart for the abused, rejected, grieving, and mentally ill. I really need your prayers.Thank you.I am grateful and thankful that God has placed you in my life.God bless you.Your sister in Christ,With love and hugs,
P
Dear Sister Cotia
Thank you so much for this email. Your words of encouragement has definitely given me clarity and insight within my situtation. I was feeling down this morning. Receiving your email brought tears to my eyes. I take it as a reminder of God's love...Yes, I am defintely interested in purchasing one of your books. Please let me know when it is finished.
God Bless...
I
Hi Sister Cotia and Minister Ford, How are you today? I was able to give 2 more books to some people today.1) The man who lost his wife about 6 weeks ago, his name is R.2) The other person is the retired pastor's wife, L.Friday night, I gave a book to G. Praise the Lord!!!God is working.Will you keep these people in prayer?I love you both.Sister
PW
Dear sister Cotia. I read the chapter of your book and I have never read a book in english before. I would like to read yours dough. How can I get a hold of your book, I lives in Norway but runs christian online church and you can find that on my blogspot.Thanks for sharing.
Evang.
M 9/16/09
Hi Sister Cotia, Thank you and God bless you for what you are doing in the Lord!Great is your reward in Heaven as well as Minister Ford. Both of you are faithful stewards for Christ. God bless you both. How are you today?I would like to order 5 more books. Your book is good and God has His hand in it.I appreciate all your nice comments and that is very kind of you to say so. God blessyou for being so good. Thank you so very much. Please keep R in prayer. He is really suffering.
S. P.
I am deeply moved by your story. Just the brief section I have read has me sad. For you to be able to relay this story to others will help us as well to be honest and come to grips with our past, present and future. Thank you and I have to order a copy of your book. Your friend
D
Hi Sister Cotia,How are you? Thank you for writing and God bless you abundantly. You both are so good to me and I cannot express in words how much I appreciate you both. God bless you, both. Thank you for praying for that one man I told you about, I gave him one of your books he was very happy to receive it. Last night he came to the prayer meeting and did the music.
W
Hi whenever I was by the post office, I didn't have any money. When I had some money I wasn't by the post office. Today, finally, the post office and the money come together! I made the m.o. out for a little extra. The check is for your ministry. You can do more good with it than I can. May God Bless you both! Please send the book to the address below.
L
Are you the ones that wrote before for prayer about this book? I remember someone writing in a couple of times and I was drawn to it but didn't know what the book was going to be about. I prayed and I believe you are the same people. I have thought about you and ask Jesus what happen and then I read your prayer at Gods Work again. I feel I am being led to write to you. Can I buy your book, do you have a publisher? If so, I will definitely go talk to our local Berean book store and tell them about your book and ask them to sell it. I was wondering if you have contacted CBN about this book, and your life story/salvation etc. CBN does interviews and stories on the daily programs like your story. If you are the same person, I feel the Lord is behind you on this and your book will sell for the thousands of people that need help, for salvation of more souls and for his glory. I will call CBN and ask them for information on how they go about guests and stories. I am a partner and have no fear in inquiring about it for you. Would you believe I just got online and your note came in? How is that for timing? I will call CBN and talk with someone, and see what info I can get for you. I will also keep you in prayer because I know Jesus wants me to be one of your prayer warriors and I felt that when I first read your first prayer. I am so happy for you and for all the souls that will be saved through your ministry and God always gets the glory.
H
Hi sister Cotia,Thank you for writing. God is good all the time. Praise God!!!I did give the books to all 5 people. They need prayers…They are women in their 40's and going through some difficult struggles. I gave the books out yesterday afternoon and last night. God is moving mightily in our prayers! God bless you, both. I love you. Much love and prayers, Your sister in Christ
P
YouTube
Letters from the windows of life
I am facing a situation right now and I saw a little about your srtory right on time. My daughter has been sexually abused by my brother and now my mom is not talking to me b/c I have decided to do something about it which she never did for me when it happened to me. She was also abusive and negligent as a parent and I don't want to hold it against her but I want her to get help. This is so painful. It feels like somebody died.Your title stood out b/c that's really all im saying is mama love me, believe me, protect me, defend me,help me, value me,fight for me. i'm not the enemy. the devil is her adversary.i'm just a woman who is doing for her daughter what should have been done for me.instead of being able to trust her i lived in fear of her so i didnt feel i could go to her and tell her when ourlandlord would come over everyday for a year and molest and hit me. she was too busy to notice.this isnt to put her down but people need healing from stuff like this and to know they are not alone.
Crying out
5/15/10
I don’t think I believe in God anymore. I guess I should say that I think there is a God, I just don’t think there is a God for me. I don’t feel love or a light or a spirit anymore. I feel like I’m a shell without a soul. I hurt so much and I can’t think that God cares about me anymore. I know people say yes the does love you but then why does it hurt so much and why can’t I feel his love anymore. I used to but I don’t anymore. I’ve prayed about this but I don’t feel like there is a point to it anymore. I don’t want to feel like this and my faith goes up and down but I’ve never felt so alone like I do now and I don’t know how much disappointment I can take in this world. Sorry, maybe this isn’t the place for this. I see others with a great faith and relationship with him and I feel nothing and it makes me mad and sad. If God can’t love me then who can. Sorry Sorry. I’ll stop now. Just wanted to know if anyone else feels this way and how do you keep going? I don’t know how.
A
12/16/08
Hello Sister Cotia and Minister Ford I was just thinking that I really needed to get in touch with you and here you are. Thank you soo much for thinking of me and checking in on me. I really appreciate that and actually I really need it. I don’t mind someone checking on me everyday if that is what it takes to keep me on the path God has for me as I deal with hurtful issues with my mother in the past and in the future. This season of my life that God has brought me to has been SOO HARD. Sometimes I think I can figure out what He is doing, but other times, I have no clue.This hard season for me has everything to do with growing up and moving on. To accept change and be content with where I am and not be sad that I’m not where I used to be. Make sense? God is really trying to grow me quick! I have to! I cannot hide myself in a closet like I used to do as a little girl and cry, or run out of the house and hide under a tree crying wishing that my parents would stop fighting, and that my dad would actually say that he loved me. Well, as an adult Christian lady who went through pure Hell all her life, and now is saved, I have to let go and press in to what God is doing NOW. Not what He did yesterday, or what He may do tomorrow, but what His will for me is NOW. I have bitterness against my mother, my father, (who died of alcoholism and cancer after being homeless for 8 years, and died right before his first and only grandson was born.) and I have resentments and pain from being abused, raped, teased, rejected, lied to, and betrayed by either friends, or boyfriends. I can’t begin to tell you all that I went through…it is a miracle that I’m still here. God wants me here, but the pain can be unbearable sometimes. I feel so alone, and scared and that I’m "weird", "phsycho", and "odd" I have a good husband, and children but I don’t know how to really love them. I have a lot of friends, and a good church but I’m always afraid Ill be rejected by someone at some point.I think the reason that soo much garbage has been drudged up again after being saved now for 8 years, is because my mother got remarried a few years ago, built a beautiful new home, and has had a great job for years. She’s retiring soon, and I’m happy for her. I always tell her how happy I am for her because she has got everything she has ever wanted finally. Great man, great job, great car, great house,..etc. But she recently put up her old house for sale that I grew up in and it has destroyed me. I knew that this was going to happen for a couple years now. Its no surprise. I have been to the house many times the last few months getting out what my mom left behind for me, and helping her with some things here and there. But it has really hit me. I know that its just a house built of brick, mud, wood, etc,..but to me its more than that. It was a remnant of my childhood, and now that is being taken away too!!! Does that make sense??? I did have a good childhood here and there. There are a lot of times that I never wanted to end, but they did. I’ll forever remember those times that everything seemed SAFE, that everyone was HAPPY, and all was STABLE but came to an end shortly after. I always commend my mom for all she did for us kids, and that I hope I can be as good as her, but she doesn’t want to talk about the past at all. Not even the good things. She has NO interest in talking about my childhood, and it hurts!! Why??? I know she was hurt, but I want to talk about the good not the bad. She is distant and withdraws from even acknowledging the past. She is not the same mom I knew while I was growing up. She is just a kind aquaintance that gives me money here and there. Sees my children (her only grand kids) maybe once a month if that for about a couple hours and even that is "inconvenient" to her. Oh, PLEASE HELP ME!!! I WANT TO BE LOVED. I don’t know what to think, but I’m really tired. Tired of trying to be good enough for her, trying to please her and get her to love me more. I’m tired, and seeing that the house is empty ready to sell, breaks my heart. Help me. I thank you for getting in touch with me!!! I love you!!
Broken wounded soul
I just wanted to thank you for all your love...I trust that in this time of need that I can come to you and ask for prayer and some encouragement. You know my battle with depression, anxiety, and so forth. I have nothing to hide from you. I have actually been great the last few months, but now have hit the wall. I feel totally hopeless. There are many things wrong with me and my life. I cannot begin to explain this pain and all the things wrong with this season of my life. I wish I could. But right now, at this moment, I need love, unconditional love if I may and some grace. I am soo tired, worn out, and I feel as if I cannot do this anymore. I plead with you to understand and not get angry because Im feeling like this again. Its sometimes embarrasing. But I think this is it. Help me...I am encountering major issues. Pray for me.
R
Hi Sister Cotia,Thank you for writing. God is good all the time. Praise God!!!I did give the books to all 5 people. They need prayers…They are women in their 40's and going through some difficult struggles. I gave the books out yesterday afternoon and last night. God is moving mightily in our prayers! God bless you, both. I love you. Much love and prayers, Your sister in Christ,
S.P.W
Hi Sister Cotia and Minister Ford,Thanks be to God our Heavenly Father for both of you. How are you? Thank you for praying for me. I am grateful for both of you. With God all things are possible. Your email is very encouraging to me. It helps me to take more of the God given authority that I need to take and also to see how much our Heavenly Father values me. Thank you. God is working. I know that God will lead me by the Holy Spirit to where I need to be. Thanks be to God for His Son Jesus who died for us and rose from the dead.Hallelujah!!! I love you and appreciate your prayers and kindness.God bless you. Your sister in Christ.
P.S. I would like to buy about 5 more books.
S.P.W
Hello Precious S. P. W.
How are you doing and the family? We are doing good in the Lord… your emails are so inspiring and encouraging to us. Minister Ford just informed me that he got the card you sent with the check for 5 more books you want WOW!!!! you have made a record! Ford said what a blessing your are to others and reaching out to those who are hurting and giving the book out and be a blessing in the lives of others in the name of Jesus. Truly we are very grateful and more than happy to say the least to see how that God is using you to minister to others and be that link as we join together to minister to the hurting and abused souls…Proverbs 11:30 “he who is wise wins souls.”…Great will your’s (and ours) rewards be in heaven according to the word of God. But to me! The greatest reward I could have ever had and are now having is first of all being saved, delivered, set free and protected by God. He had a call upon my life that satan could not destroy…To be used by God, reach out to the lost and hurting souls in this world means more to me than silver or gold there are not enough material things in this world that could make me any happier.
We pray that God richly blesses your life, family, answers your prayers, and hearts desires, because of your unselfish love for the Lord…that you have once again made a sacrifice you have twice invested into the work of God, to give books to give to those who are hurting. We pray that you will receive an over flow of double blessing…Dear Sister, what you are doing for these people you are doing unto the Lord and only when you get to heaven will you really know that you have been blessed to lead them to Jesus in many ways even through the book. Truly you have shown and proven your love for Jesus and for the lost and hurting souls that He so loves and died for…your works will never go unnoticed for the Lord, we love you and we will get the books out to you. Thank you for extending your hands of help as family in Christ, reaching out to others, buying the books. While you are working for the Lord, we are working over here too across America and we pray that God opens doors all over the world for souls to be delivered, saved, receive inner healing, as Gods amazing power set the captives free through our book.
God bless you we love you forever and always
Your Brother and Sister in Christ
Minister Ford & Sister Cotia
Hi Sister Cotia,Thank you for writing and it is always good to hear from you.God bless you for praying for all of us. Thank you.How are you today?I will keep praying for you.I am so thankful for your prayers for our kids…God bless you.Thank you for praying for the women who received the book. All of them are in hard situations and your prayers are so welcome for each of them.One is going through a divorce, another is being abused at home, another just lost her father a couple of weeks ago and another is going through hard financial times.God bless you for being so kind.I love you.Your sister in Christ.
P
Hi Sister Cotia...I am so grateful for your prayers. God bless you both.Thank you for mailing out the books. I am not sure who to give them to but God will direct me to the right people.I will pray for direction for both of you.
Your sister in Christ,
P
Are you the ones that wrote before for prayer about this book? I remember someone writing in a couple of times and I was drawn to it but didn't know what the book was going to be about. I prayed and I believe you are the same people. I have thought about you and ask Jesus what happen and then I read your prayer at Gods Work again. I feel I am being led to write to you. Can I buy your book, do you have a publisher? If so, I will definitely go talk to our local Berean book store and tell them about your book and ask them to sell it. I was wondering if you have contacted CBN about this book, and your life story/salvation etc. CBN does interviews and stories on the daily programs like your story. If you are the same person, I feel the Lord is behind you on this and your book will sell for the thousands of people that need help, for salvation of more souls and for his glory. I will call CBN and ask them for information on how they go about guests and stories. I am a partner and have no fear in inquiring about it for you. Would you believe I just got online and your note came in? How is that for timing? I will call CBN and talk with someone, and see what info I can get for you. I will also keep you in prayer because I know Jesus wants me to be one of your prayer warriors and I felt that when I first read your first prayer. I am so happy for you and for all the souls that will be saved through your ministry and God always gets the glory.
H
Dear Rev. R
I am on vacation in California, and while in the ladies restroom I asked a lady a question regarding a business she answered my question. However, this lady began to share somethings about her life with me how she was hurting and deeply wounded by the verbal and physical abuses she has suffered all of her life,she soon will turn 50 yrs old. She grew up being called every ungodly name by both her mother and father who would beat her and even broke her nose she was told she was worthless, and no good she would never amount to anything she was ugly etc. Her father has since died but her mother continues this abuse against her. At this moment the spirit of God began to move right there in that bathroom I told her that she was beautiful to God and also to me in which she is very attractive. To make a long story short this woman said I am a born again Christian and when I walked into the bathroom I was drawn to you by the Spirit of God I could see a glow all around you, I felt to share my heart with you as I am so broken and wounded she was crying as she spoke I ministered to her right there in the bathroom. Francis said she thought that she was the only person who was going through these abuses from her parents. I told her she was not alone there are many others who are and have been wounded and abused by their parents and those they love I told her a portion of my life and how the Lord brought me through and healed my pain, this is why? I felt lead of the Lord to write a book about my life so many people over the years has been delivered and set free by the power of the Holy Spirit. we held each other embracing a godly embrace her countenance was much better after ministering to her she was so thankful to the Lord that he sent me to her work place. She was excited to visit our web site to read more. I prayed with her and gave her our web site she wanted to get the book about my life.
Sister Cotia
Who it may concern I am so happy to see your ministry is reaching out to help those who are hurting and abused. There are so many people all over the world who are hurting it is good to know that your ministry is reaching out to them. I will pray that God bless the work he has called you to do for his glory.
W
God bless you honey.... ((9hugs))) I am soooo sorry that you had to go thru this, and I admire you greatly for trying now, to reach out to others in the same shape. I work with many online, that have been or are being abused, and I will be more than glad to promote your book and your website. And I invite you join me on my website, where you will find the love that comes thru our Lord jesus Christ, just send me an email, stating your desire to be on my website, it is called Spirit of Elijah, and I would love for you to be there, and anyone else reading this, that needs the love that Jesus offers. silverwingsto(at) aol (dot ) comGod bless and keep you....
G
11/28/08
Dear Sister Cotia,Thank you so much for reaching out in humility for the Body of Christ's support. You most certainly have mine and I know just how much of a blessing, privilege and honour it is to reach out to the poor,broken, wounded, despised and loveless. How our Father loves them, so, so much. And what a wonderful, miraculous work we are going to see amongst them in these the last days sister. I just had a quick look at your website. He truly is a miraculous working God. Thank you for your openness and transparency. My husband and I truly love these children and adults too and understand our Father's pain, love and grief for them. I made a similar plea for prayer support a few months back.I have some lovely things to tell you about the most beautiful and deep work of the Holy Spirit we have just been recently experiencing. But not here as I would be getting off topic. I'm already off topic now. ”He was wounded for our transgressions and bruised for our iniquities and by His stripes we are healed"I shall make contact with you. Blessings sister. Your Ministry is high on my prayer list and I don't say that lightly.Much love in Christ.
M
Dear Sis. K
Greetings to you in the precious honor of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. How are you doing on this wonderful Christmas Holiday Season? We received your most welcomed email regarding my life’s testimony. Jesus loves you so much as you must know he sees what you are going through in your life. As I read your email it touched my heart deeply because I have experienced such rejection and abuse at the hands of my mother as well. We sometimes don’t know or understand why? These things happen to us in life truly being unloved and to endure rejection is painful but, being abused, mistreated and rejected by our own parents is the worst thing any person can endure; our hearts goes out to you and your family as well. Don’t allow this to turn your heart away from the Lord, allow the Lord to continue to minister to you totally and completely heal you in His time, in His way. Don’t stop loving your parents or praying for them they need deliverance that only God can give. You are not the only one who has had a mother who did not love her daughter, Ford and I have ministered to many others around the world who have been abused, hurt and mistreated seeking healing that only comes from Jesus. It is amazing that you stated that you went to Missouri to be there for your mother, I was born and raised in Missouri…my mother still lives there. Please continue to let us hear from you, we will keep you informed regarding the progress of the book. We pray God’s blessings in your life and family. In spite of what you are going through try to enjoy Christmas “DON’T STOP PRAYING FOR YOUR MOTHER AND FAMILY. Remember Proverbs 3:5,6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart. And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.Love in Christ
Sister Cotia
Dear I
Greetings to you in the name of Jesus our precious Lord and Savior. We thank you for your prayers and encouragements as the word of God clearly speaks that many are called but few are chosen there are many who are called by the Lord who don’t want to heed the call of God in their lives but to those who are willing to take our cross and follow Jesus we are the ones the enemy wants to attack in everyway he can without any rest. His plans and purposes are to tire the saints of God out and discouragement. The word of God says many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivers them out of them all. God is faithful and just, He will take care of his own everyday as long as we live. We will have many trials and tribulations even our own blood relatives and some within the body of Christ come against us and what we stand for in Christ…but we are to continue to stand. The word of God says Having done all STAND! As children of God encounter these problems and trials in life when we go through these trials being over comers this is when we can minister to others. Without a Test we don’t have a Testimony keep on keeping on for Jesus. We love you in Christ
Sister Cotia
Dear I
Thank you for the letter, and encouragement that you wrote from your heart. The trials that you go through is because satan doesn’t want you to minister to those who are hurting, those who don’t know Christ, and to those who need light in the darkness. Don’t give up, the Lord needs every willing Christian (of course sadly to say there are not many) who are willing to step up and stand against the forces of darkness and fight the spiritual warfare that God calls us to do everyday. The Bible says that we are to put on our spiritual armor everyday and go into battle. We can stand strong through Christ covered in his blood, because the word of the Lord says that the battle belongs to the Lord. All God wants is us to stand and say “Here I am Lord, use me,” and he will guide us, use us, strengthen us, and deliver us. Be ye steadfast, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:58 We will continue to pray for you and that God leads you, blesses you, gives you wisdom, and sustains you in the work of the Lord. We are writing a book that will be out soon, a book that is about Cotia’s trials, and her victories through Christ. Let us know if you are interested and we will let you know when the book is done. Blessings to you again in Christ
Minister Ford
Father, I thank you for turning the evil in this womans life around and bringing blessings out of it instead, thank you that she is a survivor, and that she has found you, thank you for a brand new start, and the power to help many. Please use this tool, to touch mulititudes of hearts, for your kingdom, bring release to the captives, and freedom for those in bondage. Protect, heal, deliver and provide, in Jesus Mighty Name. Amen.
G
Dear Sister.... (((Hugs))) I am so very sorry that your tender years were stolen from you, however, I pray that you will receive 10 fold what the enemy took from you, on this earth, where it is needed.Once we leave here, we will enter a paradise beyond our wildest hopes, I believe, and we will have not need for anything, from then on. Here is where we are in need, and here is where I belive we will receive, to a great extent. I pray that God will fill you to overflowing with his love, so that you will have much to share, with whomever he sends you to.I have never met you, and your picture is very small, however, I can still see Gods love on your face, you actually radiate it outwards, and I pray that nothing will ever hinder this love from flowing in your life again, and that multitudes will be touched by this same love.Father God, I thank you for our sister, that you have brought here in our midst, I ask your greatest blessings upon her life, I pray that you use her for your glory, to reach many that are hurting still. Make a way for her to reach the unreached, and provide the needed funds to get her book in print, and then, see that it gets where it needs to be, where the ones that need it, can have access to it.Thank you for keeping your hand upon her, and I pray for any member of her family that have not yet received you as their Savior, I pray that you would touch them, and heal the wounds that are within, and deliver them from the hand of the fowler. We thank you for what you are doing, have done, and will in her life. In Jesus Mighty Name. Amen. God bless you sister...
G
Dear Mamapleaseloveme!
I have been a Christian now for 7 years and He has changed my life. I am not who I used to be. I would be dead if it wasnt for God. I am living proof that God can save anyone. Even the worst of sinners!!! I love what God has done and is doing in the lives of others.I had to comment on the "mamapleaseloveme" name. It caught my eye because im dealing with alot of pain from my mother and the issues that are still there about her that need to be gone in order to move on in my life and recieve the blessings the Lord has for me. I want soo much for her to love me, but i have to accept that she cannot give me what only God can give me. and that is unconditional love. So, thank you for having that name!!! God is good and I believe that he brings people in to lives to help those out who are struggling. Thank you! In Him.
P
thank you
C L
8-26-11
Dear Cotia,
Did you happen to see 20-20. So many things are the same here. The young girl who tired to hang herself is just like the girl in Darrell's class who tried to slit her wrists last year. The reason was the same for both girls. It was because the mom was an alcoholic. And the boy on the show who tried to be so strong and a "warrior" and then he sat down and cried in the cemetery because his mom is an alcoholic and tells him terrible things and calls him names when she is drunk, that is just like the boy in Darrell's class whose mom dropped the 3 year old brother off at a baby sitter and him off at the grandma's while she went on a drinking binge. 70 %, the rate of alcohol and drug use - the same. The drunk driving and people killed by it -the same. The terrible housing - the same .living dysfunctional lives One thing that the show opened my eyes to was about the kids eating lunch at school. Back at Wisconsin, there were many problems during lunchtime with kids not behaving. But here, although the kids don't behave very well in the classroom, they behave well at lunch. From watching this show, now I know why. They are not getting enough food at home. So they are happy to sit down and eat and don't think of ways to cause trouble at lunch. Another thing I realized I don't know about is, what it is like to be around an alcoholic. I have never been around one. These kids here are exposed to them all the time. Who knows what terrible things the alcoholic relative they live with says and does to them? Thanks for giving me insight into that in your book. We need to learn how to reach these kids, not just with math and reading. Please pray for us to have the wisdom to know how to reach these kids with God's love.
Thank you for praying, God bless you
H.R.
10-15-11
Prayers And Blessings
M
Hi dear friend in Christ,I read your coments.As a believer i can assure you that our heavenly father loved us so that He gave His begotton son and sent Him on earth to love us.God is love.Dear friend in Christ I served and preached the word of God For Seven years in India and under stood the meaning of His love.Praise the Lord. Amen.
NVL
J
8/31/10
Encouragement and Inspirational Links
Pastors Comments
Preaching Jesus Christ is Risen and is Lord...called and chosen to be witnesses of our risen Savior in the power of His might.
"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." Matthew 4:19
I
CrossDaily.com
